First things first (Wait, stating my name was first). Second things second, I just heard the most interesting statement. I was kinda eavesdropping and this guy was telling a story about a group of friends and this kid they didn't know very well that was hanging out with them. But as the story went on, the group warmed up to the new kid and found him to be pretty funny. Correction, extremely funny. To show how funny the kid was, the storyteller's exact words were, "He was LITERALLY the funniest kid ever." I wanted to walk right up to the guy and shake his hand. I mean, how often in your life will you come across somebody who has met every kid ever to live?! "Literally the funniest kid ever?!" Now, I'm uneffective, and all for exaggeration, but we have to draw a line somewhere! If you use the word, "literally," I expect to be delivered a fact, not some overblown exaggeration. Now, maybe this kid is actually the funniest of all time (in which case I owe storyteller-dude an apology). But if that is the case, I think I would have heard about him by now. There is a lot of money in being funny. (And in rhyming, if only I could find some better timing.) So why is this kid hiding out, playing the new-kid-in-the-group-until-they-realize-i'm-funny-so-I-can-be-more-popular-and-well-known card? Get a PR team together, and lets take the comedy world by storm already!!
Ok, that was way more than I meant to devote to that subject. It just struck me as strange. I didn't mean to literally take up 946 pages on that one line of conversation. Figuratively speaking, I just thought it was interesting. No lie, I laughed for 7 hours after I heard it. In plain terms, the accuracy of his pre-conceived notion of the hilarity of the aforementioned youth was preposterous, nonchalant, and negligent. I think I make my point.
Ok, now for what I really was gonna write about. I was walking out of church the other day, and as I walked down the sidewalk I noticed a guy walking towards me. I realized that we would pass each other and knew that some type of exchange would take place. You know what I mean. You know you're gonna both look up at the same time, make eye contact, and then express a salutation of some sort. Whether an eyebrow raise, head nod, or some kind of verbal acknowledgement, you will address this stranger in some way. I had about 20 feet to realize and process all of this, which is more than enough time to game-plan. However, when the time came, it all unfolded a little differently than I imagined. We both looked up, both nodded, and that should have been it. But for some strange reason, I muttered, "How ya doin." Let the record show that I did not expect an answer. It was simply the salutation that came to mind. Yet he, being a polite and thoughtful person, answered, "I'm good. How are you?" Not wanting to be the rude one, I answered back, "I'm good too. Thanks." Now, keep in mind, when this exchange started, we were about 3 feet from each other. So by the time it was all wrapped up, he was a good 5 feet past me, leaving me kicking myself (notice I didn't say literally) and feeling awkward and dumb.
I think some comedian talks about this same thing, and I'm not trying to steal anyone's joke. I just found myself thinking about why that happened, and why I felt so dumb afterwards. I mean, that was way more conversation than ever should have occurred. At first, I was accusing the other guy of being at fault. I mean, my line did not require a response. I would have thought nothing of it if he had just said, "What's up." or "Hey." So it was his fault for replying to my rhetorical question. What an idiot. Then I realized that I had responded to the exact same question... two steps after we were no longer facing each other. He responded while I could see him. I, on the other hand, muttered my response into vast emptiness before me. So I guess I'm the idiot.
I don't want to be the idiot, so I'm still trying to figure out how to explain this away. I can't, but I've thought of some interesting things in the meantime that will hopefully dispel my idiocy. First item: who established the correct distance to look up and make eye contact? Because there is a time when people look up. And how do we all know when that is? Because everybody does it. Its just a few steps before passing the other person. I'd guess about 3 feet. But the 4-20 foot space is a definite no-no. You can't look at them then. Eye contact at 15 feet is just begging for awkward. (And for those of us who have had the unfortunate experience of being paired up with someone wearing sunglasses, there is no more awkward feeling. "Are they looking at me?" "Should I smile?" "But if they aren't looking then I'm an idiot." "But if they are and I don't, I'm a jerk." "Oh shoot, now I'm staring." "Curse you eye-contact-situation-creator!")
Which brings me to thought number 2: Who created awkward? Why was my incident awkward? Was it because I expected more out of it? or less? I mean, I was being polite to my fellowman, and now I feel like I made a huge mistake! I wonder how much longer our conversation could have gone if I would have asked another question back to the guy. I challenge you UP-ites to make "awkward" something that happens so much that it becomes normal. I imagine the first handshake was awkward, but now its a part of everyday life! So lets go out and start up full conversations with passing strangers and see how long they can carry on without turning around or stopping. If someone asks you a salutary (thank you thesaurus) question, you answer it and then respond with a question of your own. See if it keeps going. But don't stop to actually talk. I imagine by the time you get to "ya, i'll probably just take the kids to soccer so my wife can rest her feet. What about your evening?" you will be yelling at the top of your lungs to make sure they can still hear you.
And with that, I leave you. Again, this was Corey writing. And I'm pretty proud of this post. Literally, figuratively, metaphorically, and ecumenically proud.
P.S. Speaking of awkward, check out this website http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com
And while you're at it, look up the photo titled "eye contact." See if you can spot it. haha
Enjoy
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